Understand this, you have a triple whammy, double throw down, state of
the art door slammer. Your car runs in the low 7's and in fact, you have
won a few races. People in our sport are starting to know your name. The
problem is that the only sponsors that you can get (Acme Tire and Rim)
aren't paying enough to cover the cost of dinner for the crew.
Here is where I can help. My new venture, GK Promotions, will
guarantee you a big name sponsor. How about Budweiser or maybe Texaco?
And best of all, there is almost no expense needed on your part, and you
won't even need a great car (car selection will be discussed later).
In order to fully understand my promotion plan, you have to
understand where I live. My home is in Southern California
(approximately one mile from the site of the old Orange County
International Raceway, may it rest in piece). Population is
approximately 8 million.
Now I don't know about the rest of the country, but Southern
California is the absolute KING of "police pursuits". We average four
major police pursuits per week. A major pursuit is defined as lasting at
least 30 minutes. Sometimes we have what we call the "extended"
pursuits. These can last for several hours and cover 400 miles. Oh, by
the way, did I mention that these pursuits are all covered live on TV?
The reason that pursuits are covered live on TV is very simple.
People are fascinated by them. Statistics show that when a pursuit is on
TV, viewership increases by six times over normal programming. Why do
people watch, you may ask? Again, very simple. They are secretly hoping
that the idiot being chased by the cops blows a tire and rolls his car
into a ball, or possibly slams into a Movie Studio Tour bus at a high
rate of speed. That's the beauty of live TV. Nobody knows what will
happen. Watching pursuits on TV has become so popular that we even have
a website devoted to police pursuits that will alert you whenever a
pursuit is on live. If you think I'm kidding, check out
www.pursuitwatch.com.
My new company has done a thorough study of this phenomenon. Our
conclusion is that major sponsors are needed and are missing out on a
promotional opportunity. This is where you come in. The reason that you
are having trouble getting big cash from the big sponsor for your car is
that you don't have enough to offer. So, they put their name and logo on
your car. So what? Who's going to see it? The 200 people in the stands?
Do they really care about seeing the Budweiser eagle on your car? I
doubt it. The spectators are probably drunk already.
Or, they may put a picture of your car in a magazine. Big deal. The
big sponsors are paying for full page, four color ads anyway. How many
extra cans of Bud do you think they will sell because the magazine has a
picture of your car in it?
But wait a minute. Your racing organization has their event on TV.
Big deal again. Have you ever watched drag racing on TV? Boring. Can
anybody get those cable channels? Is anybody watching at 3:00 AM? And if
you are lucky, they may show your car for about 8 seconds. Hell, the
sponsor already has million dollar commercials on TV. What do they need
to sponsor your car for?
So let's offer them something that they don't have. Full extended TV
coverage, with no commercial interruptions.
This is what you need to do. First, sell your race car, trailer and
spare parts. This will be great news for the misses. You may "get some"
again, if you catch my drift. Next, buy a car with a large top,
preferably a 4-door sedan or even better, a station wagon. This is very
important. As you have seen, the TV helicopter(s) will be looking down
on the top of your car.
Here is the pitch. We sell this space on the top of your car. A big,
giant logo. Sub sponsor space is also available on the hood. The deal is
that the sponsor won't have to pay you until you make it on TV. This
will be a progressive payment plan. The longer the pursuit, the more
money you will get. Also, a bonus program will be in effect for "prime
time" viewing. For about $100K, the sponsors will get millions of
dollars of TV exposure.
My recommendation is that you hire a driver for the actual pursuit
process. He'll naturally get a piece of the action and free room and
board for a couple of months. I know plenty of people who would be
interested. These guys get busted all the time anyway and don't make a
nickel.
You, the car owner, are going to make the big bucks for a change,
just like Joe Gibbs in NASCAR. Expenses are minimal. Buy a used car,
install a bigger gas tank (you don't want to run out of gas) and maybe
some super strong tires to avoid the "spike strip" problem. Based on
normal drag racing expenses, this amounts to almost nothing. Think about
it. No working every night on your race car. No spending your hard
earned money on parts. No taking time off from work. You may find out
that you have kids. Life will be good.
GK Promotions will, of course, take a small commission for our
efforts.
After a few big money pursuits are under your belt, and you have
saved up some cash, and you are tired of hanging around with the wife
and kids, you can buy a new drag car and go racing again. Only this
time, you can cover the costs yourself and stop worrying about getting a
sponsor.
